doubt

and insecurity overtook me as I got out of the car. I was not prepared for the weirdness of the end of the date, if that's what it was. Near the beginning he said something about telling himself he would be himself and I said I had been telling myself the same thing, but then I realized I didn't even know what that meant. I mean, I wanted to be a certain version of myself, the one who felt like she was having a good conversation. But I caught myself worrying that I was boring the shit out of him. I can't stop the self-excoriation long enough to figure out whether he was boring me. I just know that my heart sank as soon as it was over. This is why the dating game is so hard.