last dregs of 2020

It is a lovely day. Sunny and a bit chilly. I walked north and into Crane Cove Park for the first time. It's a nice mix of concrete, sand, and industrial objects. I like Hunters Point Shoreline better but that's partly because I hardly ever see very many other people when I walk there. I passed the live/work loft where I lived with D for the first few months of 2012. I get a little nervous when I see it, even now. 

Mom went to the hospital this afternoon because her leg is just not getting better and she has been having a very hard time lately. She told me yesterday that her leg hurt so much during the night that she thought maybe she was going to die. She rang for help, and someone came to prop up her leg on pillows and maybe they convinced her to take some kind of pain reliever. I don't know, I did not ask for a lot of details. I just let her say what she wanted to say. 

The sun is going down, a pale yellow fireball. I love the winter shadows on the living room wall. 

creative process

 

Fiona Apple in the Guardian today: 

This time, because it was me by myself a lot, or me and the band by ourselves, there was so little self-consciousness that I wasn’t judging myself or trying to improve certain things. So when it was all done, it seemed as impressive as if I had just belched. But how could that have been if it had all these stops and starts? It’s funny how you forget about the times when you were like, this sucks and I have to stop this and I can’t ever put anything out again and I hate everything I’ve said and I hate how I sound.