mirages

So much is based on nothing! You know how it is. You home in on some things and brush aside others. You make assumptions. You don't ask yourself questions that might give you pause. You are at the mercy of another person. I thought I could help. I didn't realize what he needed, which was more than anyone could give him. I feel like a fool. And my life feels thinner than ever before.

I want to say that I'm having a hard time but I don't know if that's the truth. I am in a strange kind of limbo of my own making. I feel guilty that I am getting out, shedding a skin, moving away from a situation that has become untenable. I feel heartless, in a way. What was I thinking would happen? Now it seems incredible that I ever believed it would work.

Probably I expect too much out of myself and others. We are human and we fail.