Rain has given me a reason to do very little. And now it's mid-afternoon. I've spent a lot of time looking at kitchen design photos and my eyes are telling me now that I need to stop. The wind is gusting a bit, the sky is light gray. I think the rain has stopped, for now. Last night I had lamb and couscous at Radio Africa, with Alka, Des, and Ellie. Alka and Brad are packing up and will be out of their house by the end of next week. We walked past the northern edge of Mendell Plaza on the way to and from, and there were people hanging out in makeshift seating lined up against the back wall of the Bishop building. It's quite something, the way drugs and alcohol take over people's lives. I know there are things I can't possibly understand about the people I see, about the difficulty and dreariness they have been seeking to escape for all these years. I feel at a loss, in fact. I don't know how to think about it.
I have not heard from J since she dropped her email bomb a week ago. Angry reproach followed by disengagement. It makes me sad and I have to keep stopping myself from feeling aggrieved, because what's the point. She clearly feels wronged and maybe she's right about that, at least as far as she can see. I've apologized for upsetting her and I don't think I can say anything else that I believe is true without upsetting her even more. So I'm leaving it up to her to decide if and when she's going to speak to me.