o california

I want to wake in the lagoon of the sky
where sunlight binds the mutilated palm-tree dawn
like duct tape, an aerial shot rolling and rolling
out of town in the muffled trunk of a brown panel van
along the death roads, the desert roads, the hairpin
turns, California, the desert silvering in my eye
like a coyote, I want to swim in the jewel jade pool
of your lonesome foothill vowels,
stretch out under the mirroring clouds
like a million rooftop deck chairs, feel
that blankness unfurl in my mind like luxury,
California, your beautiful blankness, your sheen.
O, shake me a basil gimlet at Silver Lake
and tell me about your tattoos, hermana, how death
is that bad tooth wobbling in my head,
in my head, California, that skyline that breaks
into backdrop hills I know like nostalgia, pink saguaro
and sumac, the ripe berries smashed like bodies,
each ragged cactus cross hoisting up against a silver
desert screen, California, and night that goes on like a drive-in,
palms exploding like napalm, fireworking over everything.
I want to ride the long smooth tan body
of California, I want to eat the bear of the flag
of California, I want to roll like a corpse off the highway
of your chase scenes, I want my perfect teeth
preserved, California, my teeth buried
in the earth like a curse, California, and won’t you show me
where the bodies are kept, California,
won’t you show me, show me, show me.

Sarah Holland-Batt

criminal justice?

There was a sense that, as police, they believed themselves to hold an unquantifiable power over elected officials. The idea seemed to be that there was a pact between law enforcement and politicians. Cops did the dirty work, they waded in the muck, keeping the poor and violent in check and monitoring the human detritus that is the result of inequities they'd had no hand in creating. In return, politicians turned a blind eye to the excessive use of force.

M. Greenberg, "The NY Police vs. the Mayor," NYRB (Feb. 5, 2015)

wise words

I realized that beauty was not a thing that I could acquire or consume. It was something that I just had to be. You can’t rely on beauty to sustain you.
What actually sustains us, what is fundamentally beautiful, is compassion for yourself and those around you. That kind of beauty inflames the heart and enchants the soul… We remember the beauty of her spirit even though the beauty of her body has faded away

-Lupita Nyong’o

I have had dinner and a big glass of red wine and am watching Empire. Taraji P. Henson. Enough said. 

How am I going to spend my last few decades, if I have that much time?

warm winter

It's 70+ and sunny, very warm out in the street. I have the windows open, but there isn't much of a breeze. I'm thinking about maybe tending to my tree cutout down by the curb -- the cacti and some of the jade I planted have been flattened, which pisses me off. I would like to erase that feeling.

It's too hot for that right now, though. I am sitting here drinking seltzer with lemon in it, and the neighbor with the shiny red car is finally driving off, with his baseline booming.


While I was walking over to the farmers market, several men wished me a happy valentines day. The contrast between the men in this neighborhood and the men in Bernal seemed particularly stark today. Over there, they rarely make eye contact or smile -- too busy and important for that. I never thought I'd say this but I really don't like those skinny white guys. But I do kinda like this mural, which was probably created by a skinny white guy.

I put off the kitchen/laundryroom redo so I can save more money. I had to have the flashing replaced on the dormer window -- after I came home from NC I discovered a brown stain on the living room ceiling. I got a good recommendation from Des -- Juan and Manolo Landeros. They are not certified but I think they did good work. They also put some flashing on the garage roof. And, of course, they didn't charge all that much. Now I need to see if Liam is willing to come over and repair/paint the siding, and maybe also the front steps.

Maybe I will get a nice raise this year? And that will help me, psychologically, when it comes to paying for the redo. Des came over earlier this week to measure and give me a very general sense of the cost, from her pov. It is less than what Christi was projecting. But, as Des said, it really depends on my "finishes." And on undiscovered "old house" problems.