I was up late thinking about the patterns of recent history -- the way people with money pick up and leave, taking their money and privileges with them. (I am old enough to have been "left behind" by white flight.) Because when I was on the phone with nb last night she started talking about leaving California. She inadvertently triggered my resentment of (other) white people by saying "California has left me" -- which took me back to 1980, when so-called Democrats voted for Reagan because, they said, the party had left them.
I know she's gotta do what she's gotta do, and so do we all. But the conversation left me feeling bereft in yet another way. And alone. I doubt very much that I'm going to find another partner -- it's been 20 years since I got divorced and not much has happened on the romantic front in all that time. To some extent this has been a choice I made. So I guess I should try to think about how to live whatever is left of my life.
No comments:
Post a Comment