focus

I need to struggle more against lassitude. Develop some new good habits that might help me focus. On what? My inner thoughts? The people I know and love? The world around me? All of the above. 

The anxiety can be crushing. I ask myself what it is that I'm anxious about and of course there's no firm answer. But it is helpful to ask the question. 

I want more time but the prospect of having more time makes me anxious. I can't resist it, or stand up to it, so I guess I need to stand *with* anxiety. And doubt. Oftentimes, I interpret my anxiety as self-doubt. 

I feel better today because I slept well. I often wonder if I am addicted to the relief that comes with sleep. The heaviness that I feel when I go to bed on a night after a night of poor sleep, the certainty that I will sink into it. 

I've got Thelonious Monk turned up to drown out some music from outside. I can hear him humming more clearly when the volume is higher.